Monstee's tips to stop smoking
Yeah, yeah, me know, me know... There am lots of "You quit smoking now with what we say you do!" type stuff out there, but me am just going to give you few tips that have worked for me recently.
"What am that?" You say. "Am you saying that Monstee have stopped smoking?!?!?"
yup. That am what me am saying. Me have no idea what they am going to do with all them fields of tobacco that they now going to find laying round. Someone somewhere am going to notice that they am not making NEARLY as much money as they was.
"Surely you no smoke THAT much, Monstee?" Well first off, me no smoke Monstee, me smoke cigarettes.... and you no call me Shirley! Me am Monstee. When me did smoke way back when me was smoking two weeks ago, me was smoking lots! Me was going through about two lighters a day! Now, nada.
"How you do it?" Why am you asking? Who am you and why you want to know? Am you trying to steal Monstee's no smoking ideas and sell them on internet or late night infomercial that come on in between Girls Gone Wild and... and... some other late night infomercial that not come to mind because now me can not get idea of Girls Gone Wild infomercial out of mind.
NO! You no distract Monstee with constant reminder of young and nubile co-eds that have never and will never have noting to do with likes of Monstee. They am not real! Me refuse to believe they am real! Me am old enough to know that if you get young college age type girls drunk enough they no flash you they boobs! They just throw up in you bedroom and make you drive them home while they throw up in you car on way! NO! Me am Monstee! You can NO FOOL ME!!
"Gee Monstee, clam down. You seem kinda tense." YOU GET OUT OF CAVE!! You get out of cave and no come back till you treat Monstee better!! This am me cave! You get out and find nice garbage truck you crawl into and die! Me no have to take this!!! Me am Monstee!
:::storming off to get some sort of snack:::
"What am that?" You say. "Am you saying that Monstee have stopped smoking?!?!?"
yup. That am what me am saying. Me have no idea what they am going to do with all them fields of tobacco that they now going to find laying round. Someone somewhere am going to notice that they am not making NEARLY as much money as they was.
"Surely you no smoke THAT much, Monstee?" Well first off, me no smoke Monstee, me smoke cigarettes.... and you no call me Shirley! Me am Monstee. When me did smoke way back when me was smoking two weeks ago, me was smoking lots! Me was going through about two lighters a day! Now, nada.
"How you do it?" Why am you asking? Who am you and why you want to know? Am you trying to steal Monstee's no smoking ideas and sell them on internet or late night infomercial that come on in between Girls Gone Wild and... and... some other late night infomercial that not come to mind because now me can not get idea of Girls Gone Wild infomercial out of mind.
NO! You no distract Monstee with constant reminder of young and nubile co-eds that have never and will never have noting to do with likes of Monstee. They am not real! Me refuse to believe they am real! Me am old enough to know that if you get young college age type girls drunk enough they no flash you they boobs! They just throw up in you bedroom and make you drive them home while they throw up in you car on way! NO! Me am Monstee! You can NO FOOL ME!!
"Gee Monstee, clam down. You seem kinda tense." YOU GET OUT OF CAVE!! You get out of cave and no come back till you treat Monstee better!! This am me cave! You get out and find nice garbage truck you crawl into and die! Me no have to take this!!! Me am Monstee!
:::storming off to get some sort of snack:::
Labels: Me am Monstee, rant, smoking
Scratched in cave wall by Monstee at 3:20 AM
2 Comments:
I suppose one of your secret tips might be "Get a lung-related illness that makes smoking both painful and foolish? Then when you finally feel better, you'll be so relieved you can breathe, you won't be tempted to smoke?" Hmmm?
Naw, Smacky. That's just crazy talk. :-P
And congrats, Monstee. With the money you save, you could buy the entire Girls Gone Wild set to add to Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn (pp). Whatcha think?
Post a Comment
<< Home