Ahoy New People - Find the secret hidden message and win a prize!
(Note to old people: Me not excluding you in title, just go with it an you see...)
((Note to them that took offence to being called old people: Fuck off! You know what me meant. Old as in you not new to cave like these other shmoes me talking to. Now shut up!))
(((Note to you gits who tool offence to being called shmoe: It just sounds bad! Really, it a good name. You WANT to be a shmoe! Really. Just keep reading.)))
Me am Monstee! This am me cave. Me live here, sleep here, dream here... and sometimes... fall in love here. Oh sure, it not much. Dark, dank, slimy, smells of beer, vomit and used ky-jelly, but it am home to me and you am welcome.
Recently in many of them other peoples blogs me read me have been coming across common topic of Blogging Addiction. This get me to thinking. Me in NO way think me am addicted to blogging, because me can stop whenever me want! Really!! It no big deal. Me just blog now and again cause me like it. It am nice to get comments back from people who read you blog, but me not do it for that. No, in fact me recently check me stats and me see that me tend to get over 1000 unique people a month logging on and checking out cave. Over 100 unique people a day! That pretty good numbers for me. Oh sure, those of you who am old time cavedwellers be standing up about now saying Hey Monstee! What you talking bout? Last year you was looking ways to get people to find you blog and check you out! You started Monstee's Discount Cave Of Porn!! (p.p.) just for that reason. Am you saying you over all that?
Yes. Me not doing this for readers anymore. Sure, me get the numbers now, from all over world... but they not staying. No, sad fact am that 70% of all me traffic through cave am here for less than 30 second. They not looking for Monstee, they looking for something else. Why, just take look at what they searching for when they get here!!!
Nude - This am the number one search that bring people here. OK, me do this. Hey, what good am having Monstee's Discont Cave Of Porn (p.p.) if you not mention word nude?
Suck Satan's Cock - Ok, me can see this. Me use Bill Hicks famous quote in post around here somewhere.
reese's commercial hey you got chocolate in my peanut butter hey you got peanut butter in my chocolate - Yeah, me did do rant on this some time ago...
eat jar peanut butter a day - What the? Interesting idea, but me not know why it get you here.
nude girls - Ok, more porn.
little willys songs - Me am at a total loss on this. Did me EVER talk about Little Wills or songs about them? NO! So why they fuck search engine bring people here?
yoplait yogurt commercial - Ok, yes, me did do rant on how this thing suck!! MAN IT SUCK!!!
young nude free - Yeah, more porn.
removing gaul bladder - When, WHEN me EVER talk abuot that? Don't you thinkg that this am the type of thing you would remember posting about?
kanaan gang - Me not event know what THAT am.
taste the rainbow enema gross - WHAT THE FUCK?
ingredients mr. pib - Now this am funny cause anyone who know me know... me a pepper.
parapism - Little known fact.... That me middle name.
duct taped and tied up men photos - OK NOW FUCK YOU GOOGLE!! NO!! ME KNOW FOR FACT THAT ME NEVER, NEVER EVER TALKED ABOUT ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!!
long schlongs - NO! Fuck no!! Stop it!!
satans cock images - Not here, but at lease me understand why link get made. Me talk about Satans cock, me have images... it make sense.
shortest chain saw made - This make NO sense!! For what you need somthng like this? Playing Leatherface with mice? Never fucking talked about it! Don't sell it! Why it bring people here?!?!
sexoholic disorder - Me have mentioned Sarah haven't me? Joke!! Me KID!! That what me do!! Me a funny guy! (she not gonna hit me am she?)
dumb stuff to do online - Did me talk about this? Oh, lord only knows.
felching rimjob - Ok. Yes. Them words did appear on list when me was doing my News In Literature post. But me bet anyone who come here from tht search am going to be little bit disapointed!
stop commenting on my blog - (sigh)
large girls - porn...
sploshing - Me don't know...
two snooker balls in a sock - OK, hold it!! Why? What am point? Me know it am reference to having big BALLS or something, but me no make it!!! That not even sound like me, do it? Me have balls so big they like two snooker balls in a sock! NO!
adrianne barbeau - Of all me exes, she am only one who brings in the searches. Thanks babe!
sex girl - porn
explain the odor of chrysanthemums - Fuck off and die!
were is black water cave - up you ass?
cough chunk pneumonia - As opposed to titter slice pneumonia.
enormous schlongs - God damn it.
girls sliming each other - Who... what.... why.... HUH?
monstee machine - This just make me wonder what they was looking for when they type this into search engine to begin with!
You see? That am the type of shit that MOST of me readers am looking for. Do me oblige them, no. Me not here for that. Me here to do what ME want. That's what blogging am for me.
Oh, and regarding that prize for finding secret hidden message in post. Me just trying to get you new people to hang out more than 30 seconds!! It's ALL total wank!! HAHAHA!! IT AM THE NUMBERS! That what it all about! Me get bigger numbers, me win!!! HAHAHA!!
ME AM MONSTEE!!
((Note to them that took offence to being called old people: Fuck off! You know what me meant. Old as in you not new to cave like these other shmoes me talking to. Now shut up!))
(((Note to you gits who tool offence to being called shmoe: It just sounds bad! Really, it a good name. You WANT to be a shmoe! Really. Just keep reading.)))
Me am Monstee! This am me cave. Me live here, sleep here, dream here... and sometimes... fall in love here. Oh sure, it not much. Dark, dank, slimy, smells of beer, vomit and used ky-jelly, but it am home to me and you am welcome.
Recently in many of them other peoples blogs me read me have been coming across common topic of Blogging Addiction. This get me to thinking. Me in NO way think me am addicted to blogging, because me can stop whenever me want! Really!! It no big deal. Me just blog now and again cause me like it. It am nice to get comments back from people who read you blog, but me not do it for that. No, in fact me recently check me stats and me see that me tend to get over 1000 unique people a month logging on and checking out cave. Over 100 unique people a day! That pretty good numbers for me. Oh sure, those of you who am old time cavedwellers be standing up about now saying Hey Monstee! What you talking bout? Last year you was looking ways to get people to find you blog and check you out! You started Monstee's Discount Cave Of Porn!! (p.p.) just for that reason. Am you saying you over all that?
Yes. Me not doing this for readers anymore. Sure, me get the numbers now, from all over world... but they not staying. No, sad fact am that 70% of all me traffic through cave am here for less than 30 second. They not looking for Monstee, they looking for something else. Why, just take look at what they searching for when they get here!!!
Nude - This am the number one search that bring people here. OK, me do this. Hey, what good am having Monstee's Discont Cave Of Porn (p.p.) if you not mention word nude?
Suck Satan's Cock - Ok, me can see this. Me use Bill Hicks famous quote in post around here somewhere.
reese's commercial hey you got chocolate in my peanut butter hey you got peanut butter in my chocolate - Yeah, me did do rant on this some time ago...
eat jar peanut butter a day - What the? Interesting idea, but me not know why it get you here.
nude girls - Ok, more porn.
little willys songs - Me am at a total loss on this. Did me EVER talk about Little Wills or songs about them? NO! So why they fuck search engine bring people here?
yoplait yogurt commercial - Ok, yes, me did do rant on how this thing suck!! MAN IT SUCK!!!
young nude free - Yeah, more porn.
removing gaul bladder - When, WHEN me EVER talk abuot that? Don't you thinkg that this am the type of thing you would remember posting about?
kanaan gang - Me not event know what THAT am.
taste the rainbow enema gross - WHAT THE FUCK?
ingredients mr. pib - Now this am funny cause anyone who know me know... me a pepper.
parapism - Little known fact.... That me middle name.
duct taped and tied up men photos - OK NOW FUCK YOU GOOGLE!! NO!! ME KNOW FOR FACT THAT ME NEVER, NEVER EVER TALKED ABOUT ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!!
long schlongs - NO! Fuck no!! Stop it!!
satans cock images - Not here, but at lease me understand why link get made. Me talk about Satans cock, me have images... it make sense.
shortest chain saw made - This make NO sense!! For what you need somthng like this? Playing Leatherface with mice? Never fucking talked about it! Don't sell it! Why it bring people here?!?!
sexoholic disorder - Me have mentioned Sarah haven't me? Joke!! Me KID!! That what me do!! Me a funny guy! (she not gonna hit me am she?)
dumb stuff to do online - Did me talk about this? Oh, lord only knows.
felching rimjob - Ok. Yes. Them words did appear on list when me was doing my News In Literature post. But me bet anyone who come here from tht search am going to be little bit disapointed!
stop commenting on my blog - (sigh)
large girls - porn...
sploshing - Me don't know...
two snooker balls in a sock - OK, hold it!! Why? What am point? Me know it am reference to having big BALLS or something, but me no make it!!! That not even sound like me, do it? Me have balls so big they like two snooker balls in a sock! NO!
adrianne barbeau - Of all me exes, she am only one who brings in the searches. Thanks babe!
sex girl - porn
explain the odor of chrysanthemums - Fuck off and die!
were is black water cave - up you ass?
cough chunk pneumonia - As opposed to titter slice pneumonia.
enormous schlongs - God damn it.
girls sliming each other - Who... what.... why.... HUH?
monstee machine - This just make me wonder what they was looking for when they type this into search engine to begin with!
You see? That am the type of shit that MOST of me readers am looking for. Do me oblige them, no. Me not here for that. Me here to do what ME want. That's what blogging am for me.
Oh, and regarding that prize for finding secret hidden message in post. Me just trying to get you new people to hang out more than 30 seconds!! It's ALL total wank!! HAHAHA!! IT AM THE NUMBERS! That what it all about! Me get bigger numbers, me win!!! HAHAHA!!
ME AM MONSTEE!!
Labels: Adrianne Barbeau, Blog Stats, linking, list, Me am Monstee, Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn, new people, welcome
Scratched in cave wall by Monstee at 2:43 AM
14 Comments:
Monstee, old friend, I generally leave within a few seconds when I come to visit to see if you've updated your blog and suddenly get one of your loud sound files blasting out of my laptop, threatening to wake my children and alert my wife to the fact that I'm trying have a quick, private, secret, blogging session. She's getting suspicious enough and you're not making my life any easier.
That music is something. I have to turn off the speakers or I'll have children gathering round me wanting to read about felching rimjobs, girls sliming each other, enormous schlongs and god knows what else.
I keep logging on for 30 seconds to boogie on down to "What's That Blue Thing Doing Here", then logging off, then back on, then off, then back on. I just can't get enough of that funkee monstee sound!
Ah Jeez...
"removing gaul bladder"
Are...are we doing something French?!?
very good, very good, mr monstee ~ I have a poem working its way out of my bitty brain about you... hmm... will be back with it .. ;-D
*pats monstee's head*
My, what big caption you have!
oh.. my literal friend.
i just want to rip your blue hair out and make myself a pillow.
not really.
this made me laugh the hardest:
shortest chain saw made - This make NO sense!! For what you need somthng like this? Playing Leatherface with mice? Never fucking talked about it! Don't sell it! Why it bring people here?!?!
it just.. painted a picture for me.
at least you get interesting searches. i get about six hits a day from people looking up lemony snicket books.
I once got creeped out totally by a search string someone used to find me. Made me feel just a little dirty.
you are, in fact, using the force to draw people to the cave. they are weak minded and have no choice.
it's inhumane.
If they are manipulable, they will be manipulated. Better they be manipulated by one who will not abuse his power over them.
~Monstee~
lol u had me with the vomit n' ky-jelly, pal..
Hey! I came here while I was trying search 'Nude President Bush explains the odur of chrysanthemums and sings a song about his little willy, while young free nude girls dance around with tiny shortest chainsaws ever made and mr pib soliliquises on why his chin resembles two snooker balls in a sock.'
What IS this?
Post a Comment
<< Home