Tornados suck! ( or ) This Place Is A Disaster Area!
Ok... am it better to say that tornados blow? Whatever it am... it not nice.
Now, before you guys get all you panties in bunches, we all ok over this way. ...and YES, technically it no really a tornado. Oh, we had the massive bad weather, the two fronts clashing together violently, the smashing rain, the 235mph wind... just no funnel cloud. Me guess that on this end of tornado ally, weather front on top that want to get down no wait on making funnel to do it, but just said 'Fuck it!' and came down all at once.
Me am thinking, of all places me could have been last week... of all me cave openings me could have been hanging out at and currently living... why me pick middle America? The bible belt? The heart land? You know why they call it the heart land, don't you? Cause the brains not there!!!
Well kids, me wish me could tell you all that me looked the great wind in the face and stood me ground. Me wish me could tell you that me was very brave and battened down the hatches and protected everything that needed to be protected. Me WISH me could tell you the thanks to me valiant efforts and quick running round me single pawedly saved all articles and properties of me and me family... but me didn't. Me slept through it all.
When me awoke from me little nap (woke up by sound of three story oak tree snapping in two outside and taking out power lines) everything was about over. So me had time to look out window, see what was going on, say F word couple dozen times and get pets deeper into cave. What me see? hmmmm... How to describe it....
1. It was raining sideways!
2. Clouds was racing each other in me backyard at about one third the speed of sound!
3. Nine out of ever ten trees was broke. Not out of money broke, but missing they limbs, trunk snapped in half or pulled out of ground and knocked over on they side in very untreelike way.
4. The wind was making strange noise. Not the "shhhhhhh" that make you go "Ahhhhhh" on hot summer night. Not the "oooOOOOOooooooOOOOOo" that make you go "WooooOOOoo" on Halloween. NO, this was more like "OWAHOWAHOWAHOWAH" that make you go "WHAT THE FUCK AM THAT?!?!"
Me missed most of the good stuff. Like the stuff flying by the window; the cow, hen house, old lady knitting in her rocking chair, two guys in the rowboat and Miss Almira Gulch riding by on her bicycle. It was over soon and we was all pretty lucky in our little village. VERY few people had any real damage to they housed, but trees am a different thing. All over they was busted up REAL good! The city park am closed until further notice. Poor trees. We lost yardfull ourselves, but hard part was living without power... for almost A WEEK!!! NO POWER!!! FOR A WEEK!! You know what that means!
NO POWER!
NO TV!
NO COMPUTER!
NO INTERNET!
NO VIDEO TAPES!
NO DVDS!
NO HOLOGRAMS!
NO ELECTRIC STOVE!
NO LIGHTS!
NO COMPUTER!
NO AIR CONDITIONING IN 90 DEGREE WEATHER WITH AS MUCH HUMIDITY!!
NO MICROWAVE!
NO FANS!
NO COMPUTER!
NO ELECTRIC GUITAR!
Me can no play... but still...
NO RADIO!
NO MUSIC!
NO MUSIC ON THE COMPUTER!
NO COMPUTER!
NO REFRIGERATOR!
NO FREEZER!
NO ICE!
NO COMPUTER ON ICE!
NO ANSWERING MACHINES!
Phone was working fine.
NO FAXING WITH THE COMPUTER!
NO INTERNET!
NO INTERNET PORN!!!
So you see me life have been hell. But me made it back am what ever no kill me only give me something to really bitch about to others! Me know it going to take me some time to get around to reading all you blogs and getting up to date and all, so just no think me am snubbing you for no commenting like usually do.... or never do it you one of them blogs me just read but no comment on...
YES! ME AM A LURKER AT SOME BLOGS!!! WHAT OF IT?!?!?! Oh, like you really care! Pull the other one! How many comments am me gonna see that am along the lines of "Where am Monstee?" "How come Monstee been so quite?" "Did Monstee fuck off again or what?" ME know how many. About as many as concerned Emails me get. 0 you fuckers!!
Yeah, me love you too! "Oh look, there am Monstee dead in the ditch. Hmmmm, me could spit on him, but no. Me NO WANT TO WASTE IT!!!" YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL YOU... you...
Me sorry. It just been so long that me started ranting at first thing that come along... you. Me need to vent me hate. Me gotta get started on Blut Cog about all this.
Later Kids!
XOXOXO
Now, before you guys get all you panties in bunches, we all ok over this way. ...and YES, technically it no really a tornado. Oh, we had the massive bad weather, the two fronts clashing together violently, the smashing rain, the 235mph wind... just no funnel cloud. Me guess that on this end of tornado ally, weather front on top that want to get down no wait on making funnel to do it, but just said 'Fuck it!' and came down all at once.
Me am thinking, of all places me could have been last week... of all me cave openings me could have been hanging out at and currently living... why me pick middle America? The bible belt? The heart land? You know why they call it the heart land, don't you? Cause the brains not there!!!
Well kids, me wish me could tell you all that me looked the great wind in the face and stood me ground. Me wish me could tell you that me was very brave and battened down the hatches and protected everything that needed to be protected. Me WISH me could tell you the thanks to me valiant efforts and quick running round me single pawedly saved all articles and properties of me and me family... but me didn't. Me slept through it all.
When me awoke from me little nap (woke up by sound of three story oak tree snapping in two outside and taking out power lines) everything was about over. So me had time to look out window, see what was going on, say F word couple dozen times and get pets deeper into cave. What me see? hmmmm... How to describe it....
1. It was raining sideways!
2. Clouds was racing each other in me backyard at about one third the speed of sound!
3. Nine out of ever ten trees was broke. Not out of money broke, but missing they limbs, trunk snapped in half or pulled out of ground and knocked over on they side in very untreelike way.
4. The wind was making strange noise. Not the "shhhhhhh" that make you go "Ahhhhhh" on hot summer night. Not the "oooOOOOOooooooOOOOOo" that make you go "WooooOOOoo" on Halloween. NO, this was more like "OWAHOWAHOWAHOWAH" that make you go "WHAT THE FUCK AM THAT?!?!"
Me missed most of the good stuff. Like the stuff flying by the window; the cow, hen house, old lady knitting in her rocking chair, two guys in the rowboat and Miss Almira Gulch riding by on her bicycle. It was over soon and we was all pretty lucky in our little village. VERY few people had any real damage to they housed, but trees am a different thing. All over they was busted up REAL good! The city park am closed until further notice. Poor trees. We lost yardfull ourselves, but hard part was living without power... for almost A WEEK!!! NO POWER!!! FOR A WEEK!! You know what that means!
NO POWER!
NO TV!
NO COMPUTER!
NO INTERNET!
NO VIDEO TAPES!
NO DVDS!
NO HOLOGRAMS!
NO ELECTRIC STOVE!
NO LIGHTS!
NO COMPUTER!
NO AIR CONDITIONING IN 90 DEGREE WEATHER WITH AS MUCH HUMIDITY!!
NO MICROWAVE!
NO FANS!
NO COMPUTER!
NO ELECTRIC GUITAR!
Me can no play... but still...
NO RADIO!
NO MUSIC!
NO MUSIC ON THE COMPUTER!
NO COMPUTER!
NO REFRIGERATOR!
NO FREEZER!
NO ICE!
NO COMPUTER ON ICE!
NO ANSWERING MACHINES!
Phone was working fine.
NO FAXING WITH THE COMPUTER!
NO INTERNET!
NO INTERNET PORN!!!
So you see me life have been hell. But me made it back am what ever no kill me only give me something to really bitch about to others! Me know it going to take me some time to get around to reading all you blogs and getting up to date and all, so just no think me am snubbing you for no commenting like usually do.... or never do it you one of them blogs me just read but no comment on...
YES! ME AM A LURKER AT SOME BLOGS!!! WHAT OF IT?!?!?! Oh, like you really care! Pull the other one! How many comments am me gonna see that am along the lines of "Where am Monstee?" "How come Monstee been so quite?" "Did Monstee fuck off again or what?" ME know how many. About as many as concerned Emails me get. 0 you fuckers!!
Yeah, me love you too! "Oh look, there am Monstee dead in the ditch. Hmmmm, me could spit on him, but no. Me NO WANT TO WASTE IT!!!" YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL YOU... you...
Me sorry. It just been so long that me started ranting at first thing that come along... you. Me need to vent me hate. Me gotta get started on Blut Cog about all this.
Later Kids!
XOXOXO
Labels: Blunt Cogs, list, lurkers, Me am Monstee
Scratched in cave wall by Monstee at 12:14 AM
15 Comments:
Monstee, me got 2 excuse not notice you am gone.
One is me am got new youngling.
Two is you am always infrequent at posting on Monstee blog. You am more frequent contributor to Blunt Cogs than to Monstee Cave. Me check often, but...you not there.
Me assume you am busy or digging new chamber or something.
Me am never lurker. Me am obnoxious commentor, me think it friendly to let all others know me visit they blog, because it part of goldern rule what says you do to people what you want people am do to you. But then me think me should not say something when am no really anything say that time.
Me say something anyway. Annoying, yes.
Fuck, are you back again you cunt? Just when we thought we'd got rid!
;-)
Yeah, if you posted more often, it might make us concerned that you've been gone for so long.
Hint.
Gald you're okay oh Fuzzy one, I did check to see where you might be, but you are a sporadic little chap at the best of times.
Are you going to replant the trees?
What? No Internet Porn? That's a tough life. Mind you, is there a lot of Internet Porn aimed at furry blue monsters? What do female furry blue monster's look like?
On second thoughts, I don't think I want to go there...
so...u did get ur priorities straight this time, mai fuzzy-blue freind.
i trust ur lurking hez been beneficial @ me blog? if not, kindly leave a comment so tis possible to improve on err, posting quality ;)
what???!!! no INTERNET PORN????????
{{fake sexy accent}} Oh, u poor thing...
You return once a month to whine about your life? Damn, that's weak.
You're supposed to be like everyone else on the internet and whine about your life EVERY DAY!
(Yeah, a week without power. That blows, Monstee. Oh wait, you posted this on August 2nd? Never mind my pity then, you're probably back to normal. "Normal" for you, anyway...)
Shit sounds like Lebanon. THe lack of internet porn is a bit over the top though. You'll be telling me the beers warm next
There, there monstee. Me feel you pain.
Me send you mental twinkies for you comfort.
Monstee - where are you! You've got to rescue Blunt Cogs - I think it's turning into Charle Brown!!!
I lurk. But just on principle. It's not personal. If I saw you lying dead in a ditch, please be assured I'd spit on you. If that's what you want.
Funny bloody rituals you Americans have.
Do you think it was all just meteorological, or was God smiting you because of your country's convoluted foreign policy? Hey! Someone had to the godamn question. Anyway it can't be that or we'd be having a really shit time too, when in fact we've had the best summer for years. Keep your little blue furry pecker up. You probably do anyway, you filthly little article.
See, this is exactly the shit I mean. What happened this time? Avalanche? Rabid goats?
where am you?
fucker, this was written on the 2nd! was there another toronado?
hope you OK. not talked to you on net for looooooooooong time.
(out of closet lurker)
you funny, funny monstee, thank you, made me forget the food poisoning for a moment : )
and the translated story about the gift of a tazer...maybe it's being sick, but seemed so very funny to me today, thank you!!!!
This is getting to be a habit Monstee. You say "Hey I'm back!" then disappear for another couple of weeks. Then you say "I'm back again" and I wait for a storming series of Blunt Cogs but nothing. You vanish again.
How many tornados are you getting outside your cave?
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