Monstee explains a few things

For a few days now me have been getting email type comments from people who no want to post publicly about Monstee's last post and comments posted there. If you read last post then you know what me mean, but if you now read it then don't! There am no reason to! It am just the same lame old post by Monstee saying bunch of crap that you no want to here... you best never going back there and ever reading it or the comments. That way you never feel need to write Monstee email with comments like...


"DUDE! BUSTED!!"
"Was that for real?"
"Looking for not expensive high-quality software?"
"What?!? I thought we were exclusive!!"
"YOU FOOL! You almost gave us away, but I think my comment threw them off track..."
"I"M NEVER KISSING YOU AGAIN!!!"
"Do you always talk like that?"
"...god, my loins ache for you!"
"I know you keep saying Monstee's not gay, but really if you..."
"Now, who are you REALLY?"
"I'm sorry I yelled and I'm sorry I said that. You know I will kiss you again."
"What do you mean 'What am loins?' You're on the internet, the sum total of human knowledge and you can't even look up a simple word like 'loins?' Wow, are you lucky you're so good in bed..."
"I am getting a kitten today which I am much excited about and is for petting and playing with and not for eating. I repeat, it’s NOT for eating."
"You have been blocked from further comments on this blog."

As you can see everything am perfectly normal in every way. Nothing am going on behind you back. Nothing am happening under you nose. And if you am angry husband type or pretty girl that am having secret affair with Monstee under nose and behind back of husband or other girl that Monstee am secretly seeing... then there am no reason to beat Monstee up for anything because as you see for self, nothing am going on! Everything am fine..


Me am Monstee.

Monstee helps the masses

New from Monstee Inc.
Be the first on you block to speak like Monstee! You heard me right, speak like Monstee! For months now me have been getting emails from people saying things like...
"Are you for real?"
"...like, what's the deal?"
"...so, please stop commenting on my blog."
"Holy [explative deleted here]! Who are you? Please email me!"
"...so we have to keep our affair a complete secrete! Paul would NEVER understand my monster fetish..."
"...I SAID, STOP COMMENTING ON MY BLOG!"
"Do you always talk like that?"
"...i laughed till i plotzed!"
"Worst grammar ever!"
"Hi. U, who are you?"
"DO I HAVE TO CONTACT BLOGGER AND REPORT YOU?!?!"
"...Let's go chase pigeons!"
"WTF! Dude, you're messed up!"
"You have been blocked from further comments on this blog."

Yes, everyone love Monstee & everyone want to talk like him. NOW YOU CAN!
With Monsteespeak Translator 1.0!

Yes Monstee Inc. (the company that bring you Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn! (p.p.)) now bring you Monsteespeak Translator 1.0!

With Monsteespeak Translator 1.0 you simply type or paste you posts, letters, emails, homework, poetry or whatever you want into the provided field and press a button! ZAP! Now you words have been converted into Monsteespeak! Sample text have been provided for those of you who no know what to type and have little imagination.

Monsteespeak Translator 1.0 am free to all members of Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn (p.p.) Please report all bugs to Monstee for further development.

That am really big IF!

Here am monstee's response to IF type discussion thingy started on Kate's blog.

"If you were to have bells ring out loud automatically (for all to hear) every time you did a certain thing, what would it be?"

For me, it would be when me correctly guess question me no know answer too. You think about this. This be very handy. Let's say... you no can find you keys. You ask, where am me keys? Then you say:
"They locked in car?" .....
"They in coat pocket?" .....
"Me drop them in old moldy box of porn?" {ding ding ding ding ding}
Then you know where keys am and you go get them! This so handy!!!

But me guess this have draw back too... Say you getting nagged at by wife, girlfriend, female boss, whatever... and you say smiting stupid like, "What am you problem? Am it that time of month?" {ding ding ding ding ding} At least then you know you better start running!!! Unless you get where you rely on bells too much and say "Should me run?" {ding ding ding ding ding} By that time you already getting hit!

As for me question... it also come from book "If...123"
"if you could be on the cover of any magazine next month, which magazine would you want it to be, and what would the caption say?"
Me answer: Fortune magazine! Caption: "Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!"

Choosy Monsters Choose...

OK, so Kate leave this hanging round her blog...
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Either leave your answers or a link to your webpage with your responses.

Would you rather:
1. your ears be bleeding OR your eyes?
2. smell like vanilla cake frosting OR fresh-cut lime wedges?
3. get comments on your hair OR your smile?
4. have an addiction to coffee OR an addiction to bubble gum?

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Now me sometimes have problem answer thingys like this and you see why it upset Monstee so much...

1. ...your ears be bleeding OR your eyes?
Me pick ears, but only because it mean that then me HAVE ears! This question am ANTI-MONSTITE! You no know how questions like this am for me people! Look, look... Which you rather get cut off in car accident, toes or antenna? SEE!! See how it feel!!!

2. ...smell like vanilla cake frosting OR fresh-cut lime wedges?
Vanilla cake frosting OR fresh-cut lime wedges? Am that frosting on vanilla cake or vanilla frosting ON cake?? AND WHAT DIFFERENCE AM IT IF IT WEDGES?!?! Never have Monstee noticed wedgy undertone to fresh-cut lime sent! [sigh] Me go with limes... But me want it on record that me prefer lime RINGS smell to wedges.

3. ...get comments on your hair OR your smile?
[shaking hard trying not to explode] THAT DEPEND ON COMMENT!!!! Look, look... "Gee, your hair smells terrific!" vs. "Dude, your fang are creeping me out." am TOTALLY different than "Nice hair, find any spiders in it?" vs. "Oooo, I love your pearly whites!" ARGGGH! "Blue" and "Long" am both comments about me hair and teeth, but me no prefer either!!! If you talking abut complements then SAY complements!!!! Great, now me bleeding from me eyes... ok, me pick smile.

4. ...have an addiction to coffee OR an addiction to bubble gum?
Now this am a good question. It am straight forward and to point and am something me know about... Addiction! Monstee am heavy smoker. Me go through 1 1/2 to 2 lighters a day. For this me want bubble gum, but me want coffee flavored bubble gum! Me love coffee too, but me not addicted. Me going to drink some now.

mmmMMMmmmmcoffee.

That so good, me drink another pot.

MMMMmmmmMMMMMcoffee.

Thatwas goodtoo. Megonna drink anotherpotnow.

MmMmMmMmMmMmMmMcOfFeE!

Melovecoffeesomuchthatmenotknowwhatmedoifmenogetmecoffeethatkeepmonsteegoing.
Ohyeahmealsosometimeslikeflavoredcoffeelikethisherethatamsomeflavorlikemapleortreesquirrel orsomethinganditamsoundingsogoodrightnowthatmethinkmewilljusteatitstraightandnotbotherbrewitupinpot!

mmmmmcofygrnds!

mntknwwhymlkcffsmchbtmnwthkmgnnatmrcfgrnds!

mmm!


{beep}

Monstee meets a NEW person

Me just realized that with all that am going on with me new "at cave" business (see last post), me forget to make fun of.... er, say HI to new and latest commentee in Monstee's cave!

haiku_girl

And me want to take opportunity to welcome her as first person to comment in Monstee's new cave without Monstee first commenting in they blog first. So, not to show off me skill with word or anything, me will greet nice person in style they name seem to imply they like. Here am little nothing in style of 7-5-7...

Can me help you with something
Welcome haiku_girl
Monstee's Discount Cave Of Porn!

Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn

Welcome Welcome Welcome!!!
To Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.)Hello. In today's world it am sometimes hard to find what you looking for on internet. But not at Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) At Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) we have everything you possibly want because at Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) we know that everybody on internet am looking for same thing, FREE PORN! We want bring you best quality high class porn here at the famous Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) Porn that have never been sitting round for years in moldy box or anything. Our porn have been lovingly places in frames that not come from dollar store and not kind that pull hair from you paws when you stick picture in them. We at Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) am interested in giving to customer what porn customer want and not people logging on blog, seeing Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) putt Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn! (pp.) link from they blog so now famous Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.)value on blog market thingy go up higher and higher than friends of Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) So whatever you porn needs am today, Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.) will supply! We have Coeds... HOT Coe... Hot 'Barley Legal' Co... SEXY Hot DRUNK Barley Legal Coed MILFs... Hot Sexy Drunk Barley Legal VIRGIN Coed Granny MILFs... teens... teens...

So if you fetish am Sexy Hot TEEN Drunk Barley Legal Coed Granny Virgin MILFs, then just put link on you blog site for...
Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.)
(say it in best SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY voice)
Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn!(pp.)

Stock Monstee?

WHAT AM GOING ON?!?!

Me was just Googling and me find THIS! (BTW: Google look NOTHING like Monstee's eyes! Why they always saying that?)

What am this all about? Who put Monstee's shiny new squeaky clean cave on market? What am all this about market shares? Me no want to share cave? Why am it there? And why am nobody buying?!?!?!

No! Monstee no stand for this! Monstee get to bottom of this faster than... than...
ARRRGH! Monstee am so upset he no come up with good analogy! You finish for youself! (Me suggest you think J.Lo. or something.)

GAAAH! AngryGrrFace am there... and she am worth MORE than Monstee!!! What she got that Monstee no got? Oh yeah.... boobs.

NO! Monstee no get property values lowered by sweater properly filled out by perky young 19 year old nubile...

YAAAAAH! Smacky am worth more than both us!!! Am he got boobs TOO??? They must be bigger than Lau...

Kate? Kate? Et 2 KaTee? WHY??? Why am Monstee not worth as much as others?

:::Gasp:::
Me bet it am old moldy box of porn! Me go throw it out! Nobody on internet want to see bunch of...

:::Bing!:::
[picture lightbulb above Monstee's head]

FRAMES!!!
MONSTEE NEED FRAMES!!!

Monstee Cringes

Like me was saying two posts back(you find it, me am too lazy to link it) Monstee no find anything me write when me was young and just little teen Monstee. But me still looking! What me do find am note passed to Monstee from cool upperclassmate that help Monstee get "in" with good fun click when him freshman in highschool. Now, if you no know this then me tell you that teen boys send different type notes than teen girls. They am bit more graphic. Now Monstee am no advert to graphic type stuff and have no problem posting bad language. (what you think you reading?) But Monstee's MoMstee am. Years ago MoMstee find note and not like what she see. She no yell at Monstee, she know boy will be monstees and all that, but she no want that kind of filth littering up cave. Monstee always am keeper of mementos so MoMstee just take black marker and cross out stuff she now like. (...well, what she understand and no like) So here am what am left of note. It am not embarrassing, just from time before Monstee start being hip, trendsetting, "Man about town".

See Ya in the Funny Papers!

Yeah, yeah, yeah... Me know.
Monstee been posting nothing but come backs to comments in other blogs lately.

GIVE ME BREAK!

Me am not machine! Me am Monstee. Me have been spending time going through archives of other bloggers getting up to date on lifestyles of blogged and online, so me not really thinking of new witty type postings. Me am neglecting cave, but am learning lots about really cool peoples.

mmmMMMMmmmmlady fingers.

But me want to comment about recent comments on Kate's blog by Smacky.
It am true that Family Circus DO have more than one panel. If you dig long enough in internet, you find what you looking for. Here am example. Me no like Family Circus. That probably because they no like Monstee. Me tell you, you can eat golf balls you whole life and they never call you a "Golf Eater", but try to eat ONE baby...
So now when Monstee walk by they house, they just scream and run. Things am so much better at other comics.Like time me get job in big uncaring faceless evil conglomerate corporate world and go work for funny little dog. To bad it not work out. Monstee give him fleas.

Monstee Gets On Bandwagon (and back to the scrapbook)

OK ok ok, me get it. We am all playing April fool jokes on selves. So now Monstee have him turn. Me not know if you all notice what Monstee notice, but lot of bloggers am taking time out to share personal and embarrassing things bout selves. Now this am all well and good and am usually good laugh and Monstee end up feeling closer to blogger for knowing such things... but when me come back to cave, Monstee feel like wimp for not stepping up plate and doing same. Me am Monstee! Me am no wimp. Me have done lots of things over years me am not proud of. Now Monstee have been reading lots of blogs that recently been airing dirty laundry type things and sharing embarrassment with world (wide web) so Monstee first make mention on few and do same.

So many bloggers am posting embarrassing pictures they am too many to mention.

Now Kate and Smacky do lists of personal things... Monstee already post list comment for Kate, so me no do that here.

Lauren and Sara read from diary... NO! Journal... NO! Diary... it am diary... but Monstee no write about himself in diary... others write about Monstee.

So now Monstee go back to scrapbook and pull out news clipping from secret page and show you all him most embarrassing moment. All me ask am you try be kind and remember we all do stupid things in past.

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