New cave, New Post!

Hi kids!

Well here we am. Me have new cave at new address that am little deeper in big woods next to info highway we call internet. It am nice. As far as me can tell movers move everything over good. And me mean everything! They even move over old moldy box of porn! To tell truth, me have not taken time to look over ever nook and cranny, so if you notice nook or catch cranny that no look right, you let me know and me either fix it or ignore you ASAP. Me guess me should check everything out... but me not want to. Me having enough problems keeping up with other blogs for reading, doing all things in personal life and trying to post more than once week. Sometimes me get bushed! But now me going to steal... er me mean take idea from some other blogger who name escapes me and just list bunch of crap that need to be said.

First off, sometime when me mistype word "crap" me mistype it "crape". Me guess me "e" claw am just to speedy for me own goode! mmmMMMMmmmmcrapes!

Me have not taken opportunity to thank me good friend, host and sponsor Kate for setting Monstee up in new cave and giving him all the shiny new backend stuff and file space. If you no know about all this, me not going to link it. You find it youself. That what me did. Me am still getting use to it and it am seeming pretty cool. Thank you Kate!!!

As me have said in past, me am aware that me have lurkers. If you not aware of term, lurker am person who read postings but never comment. Me know you am there. You know who you am. Me was going to use this posting to out one or two of you and pass on funmakings and ridicule... but me decided not to. THIS AM YOUR LAST CHANCE. All you need do am comment and then you no longer am lurker, you am reader. Reader/Lurker... it up to you. Me know where you live/post/eat lunch/get you pictures developed/go to have smoke at break time. If me no have embarrassing pictures, me can get them!

-------------------------------------------------------
In recent post, Smacky say this... " I'm glad the surge in popularity in the zombie genre finally allowed George Romero (the king of zombie films) to get his fourth one made. I also hope it doesn't suck. At least they're not fast-moving zombies. WTF is up with that?"

Since him seem to forget that Monstee am best resource for all things Monster, me will explain topic here. Now, there am in fact five distinct types of zombies... Starting from worst to best there am....

Zombie Punk
These am not really zombies in true sense or term. They am just bunch of young people on drugs who sit around and veg out like zombies until they think you have drugs or money to buy drugs and then they mob you. No flesh eaters here... unless one REALLY freaks out, and they as easy to kill as anybody on street. You can kill one with fork if you really try. They about as fast or slow as they drug abused bodies and minds will allow.

Voodoo Zombie
This am true Zombie, but not monster type or undead flesheater. This am person who am unlucky enough to tick off mean ole' Voodoo man and let him blow puff of zombie powder into face so they go into trance like state where everyone think they am dead. This last long enough for weepy family to do funeral and put person in ground and go on with lives. Then mean ole' Voodoo man come and dig up coffin and go through song and dance like he am raising dead. What he really doing am waiting for zombie powder to ware off and person to come back to normal. When they do they usually been driven crazy by "dying" and being buried and dug up and "brought back to life" and they think they am zombie and do whatever mean ole' Voodoo man say. This am still living person how you kill same as anyone and tend to be kinda slow due to being driven crazy and all. They still can have crazy frenzy freakout, but usually are to depressed about being zombie.

Zombie Curse
Well now we get to first of undead monster type zombie. This am dead person who am cursed and not allowed to leave they dead body. It am pretty good curse. They got to just sit around all day and feel theyselves rot! Curses vary in exactly what they do. Some let person be same as they was when they was alive, sept now they am walking corpse. Some curses just animate dead body to walk around and do what they am told to do. In last case zombie and mindless stupid thing that take you literally and do what master say... but me wouldn't want it drive me anywhere! Still no crazed flesh eaters here... unless you curse someone like Jeffery Dalmer like type one or order your type two to eat people. Also them am still easy to kill. Massive damage to body will rekill them. We not talking like stabbing them in stomach or anything... we talking multi-dismemberment or disemboweling or just cutting them in half. This not always hard to do as all type two mindless zombies am slow stupid things but type one personality zombies can be as fast as they body allow until it start rotting and giving out on them.

radiation Zombie
OK! Now we getting somewhere. Here am the first of the flesheaters. These am the monster type zombies that am in the old George Romero movies. When they not in black and white, they tend to be somewhat blue colored. It am pretty sky type blue. In them old movies they say they not know why dead am up walking around and eating people, but if you listen real close near beginning of first black and white film "Night of the Living Dead" then you hear that satellite NASA send out to Saturn have come back to earth and am giving off strange radiation. Am there coincidence? These zombies am dumb! They run on base instinct and are driven with lust for human flesh! Yeah, it have been proven that given time and positive reinforcement they can be taught simple tricks and can feel some basic positive emotion, but over all, they just want to eat you. They am slow because of lack of brain energy to keep them going, but when they up close they can jerk around and bite you pretty quick. They also like to mob you and share you like a buffet! Harder to kill than any before, you need to damage the brain. Smash it or disconnect it or hack it into bits or blast hole in it.. whatever as long as it stop sending energy to body. Short of that, whatever you do they just keep coming to eat you flesh. Oh, also if you have radiation zombies running round, if they not eat you all up then in time you going to become zombie too. They claw and bits WILL cause infection that kill you, but even if you die from say, slipping in tub, if they around you going to become one of them.

Toxic Zombie
Now these am the worst! There am two types of Toxic Zombies, Bio toxin and Chemical Zombie. Both are really fast and both are kinda smart. Chem zombies tend to be a bit smarter and don't have need to eat you flesh, they want you brains! Chem zombie start out like type one curse zombie above with persons full personality in dead body, but as rigermortis and bloating set in it get so painful that something go snap and they know that only thing that stop pain of being dead am eating living brains! Brains!Brains!Brains!Brains! Chem zombies have been known to use advanced tools such as radios to call for fresh brains. Now bio toxin zombies are smart too, but driven by some sort of rage or fury that override they smarts. They about as smart as any angry vainy soccer dad having full out I'm going to kill you type fight with blind umpire who make bad call on their kid. You know the type. Instead of hitting though, they again want to eat you flesh. And what am worse am that they want flesh as fresh as possible. If they take down neighbor and start eating and you walk by and say "Hey, what cha eaten?" then they see you walking round and know that waking flesh am fresher so they go after you! Because after all, they want fresh flesh DAMNIT! Both types carry the toxin in they mouth so if they bite you it will get infected and you will die and become one of them. Biotoxin zombie can be stopped with the brain damage thing, but chem zombies can only be stopped by full out dismemberment( which leave you with pile of twitching limbs and things) or full damage to entire zombie, such as burn it all up or dissolve it all in acid. Short of that, they gonna try to get you brains!

Me hope this explain a thing or two.
Glad me could help.

mmmMMmmmmnew sight smell!

Testes testes, one, two ... three?!

Busted!

Well what you know... Fresh Meat! Yes now is time when me am posting bout person me have never posted about but many of you know or know about or know of or not know you know you know... you know?

Anyway, you no let me get ahead of meself. For some time now me have had little voice whispering in back of head. Well... ok, me almost always have little voice whispering in back of head, but this one am different and have something important to say. Before you ask what it say, let me tell you me not sure what it say. It just say that something not right. Then me find it!

Me was looking round at some of me cheaper, older, downloaded computer games and me find one that me was hooked on some time ago. What do that have to do with little voice? Little voice say that game am key and where have me seen old game lately?

BING! ::Lightbulb:: Me remember and little voice confirm. It am on Kate's blog sight in posting about... well me not sure what posting about... BUT HERE IT AM!

Before you get started, NO this am not another pick on Kate posting and YES me am aware me just did Kate in last posting... but Kate did post in her post a picture by Carrie that supposed to be "Carrie's Artwork".

For those of you who no know, Carrie am Stargazer, good friend of Kate, recent Donkey type puzzle partner to yours monstee and fresh meat for jest and ridicule for me am outing her!!! Yes, me am outing her big fat LIE here! Me not so sure where lie am but me know it am here! How me know? Because Carrie's picture look exactly like old, cheapy type downloaded computer game from the 70's! Now how can that be?
Did Carrie make artwork for game before she am born? Did Carrie COPY artwork from old game and try passing it off as her own? NoooOOOOooo....

Carrie am really telling lie about her age and she really 40 year old down on luck computer programmer who program game with her artwork and many years ago started fooling Kate into thinking they close to same age when she go through high school all over again for some sort witness relocation program because she turn in big mob type people in bug mob type computer game swindle that go bad and she turn states evidence!!! HA HA Miss Stargazer girl! Me have figured you out! And now me show me poof and everybody know truth! HA HA, HA HA!

Honey, I'm gnome!

Here am something you may no know about Monstee. Me am somewhat knowing of things doing with computer graphics. Yes, yes, it am only one of many, many skills and talents me have picked up in me travels from there to here. Why me bring it up? Well me was downloading picture linked in comment by Kate other day and me notice something. What me notice? Well if you not see comment by Kate then me will tell you it go something like...

"But seeing as how you am probably no wanting stand outside me house 24/7, Me've created me very own Monstee garden type gnome thingy brighten place up. You see it here."

As you may be lazy type person who no want to click on link and see pic... me will show it here.
mmmMMMmmmgardengnome

NO! Me will no be distracted by caring touching gift of flattering image of cute little thingy that warm me heart and make me smile!!! Well, at first me was distracted. Then me download picture. Me thought download take longer than it should have and when me get pic on computer, me notice that file size am lots bigger than should be. Me think maybe bit size am off or some other thing that we computer graphics knowing people know that you do not. So me hack into pic to check on things and what do me find??? It am only a crop of much larger pic. (For those of you who no know, 'crop' mean that they plant seeds in file and grow little bit of it out to look bigger than rest. It take light and water and plenty of processing time, but when you done, pic grow blossom of only little part of pic, but it look real big.)

Why am Monstee Gnome only part of bigger picture? Am not Monstee Gnome deserving of him own picture? Was Kate afraid get close to Monstee Gnome to take close up picture so she take picture from far away and crop it? What do bigger picture look like? Me do me little bit hacking on file and reset margins on picture so crop go away and now me get to see full picture. NOW me understand. Monstee Gnome am garden gnome and Kate take picture of her garden with Monstee Gnome in it. Me will admit that it am hard to see Monstee Gnome in full picture, so me circle him in blue. Here am full pic and what me found!

Now THAT am a garden! Now we know why Mary Jane... er, me mean Kate like her "Tea" so much. It look like she need to "Weed" garden. Hehehe...
Yeah, she need to "Fire Up" lawn mower and cut "Grass". Hehehehehehe.....

Um... Oh. She need to "Hit" garden store... no, "Joint", garden "Joint" and buy flower "Pot". ::snickersnickersnicker::

Then that garden will "Smoke". Hahahahaahahahahahahah...

...um, ....uh, ......hahahahahahahaha, What am, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
What am... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... What am Monstee Gnomes ::snicker:: name? hehehehe...

Senior Wacky Terbacky? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Monstee was there... Where were you?

7 days... it took 7 days!
7 days for AngryGrrFace to notice and comment on fact that me have been making fun.. er.. me mean make posting warm and friendly thoughts about her in me last post. Me guess that am not too long for somebody that am as busy as she am these days... but still. She am lucky me no have time to post other postings of Monstee's rambling thoughts and thinkings in mean time. If me was not busy, me could have posted so much that she never think to go back and read me old postings and then she never know. But me not, so she not, and she did, and now what am me going to do about it. Nothing. Me have picked on her enough for now. Me need to move on. Me could do another Kate type posting... but me have done her enough for now too... Me need to find fresh meat! Me wanted to post funny type posting on me good friend Smacky, but me know him am really busy with work and him three houses and moving in and out and buying and selling and all that. Me wanted to find something for ridicule about him, but although me did find lots of new stuff out about him on internet recently, me can find nothing funny to poke at him. He am just too nice and cool to do Monstee post on. Me did try to see him last week. Me was in DC area for me other job, and me thought me would stop by him new house... er... me mean bungalow, and help him eat... er, me mean move any big and tasty boxes that him still have that need eating, er moving. But me guess him and family not at home. Me hear frightened animals inside, but nothing else. So me go over to him old house and see if him am mowing lawn or fixing up place for selling or notwhat... but him not there either. Me can see why him want to move! Old house am dump! New place am so much nicer and more homey. Me am sure old place will sell, heck me live in cave, you bound to find someone to buy old place. But when you compare old and new place, there an no comparison! But then me go back to new place and when me compare, it look like mansion. Oh sure, it am little bit smaller... but oh so nicer. Even though nobody there to greet me, me take picture of new place to prove me was there.
You no have to worry Smacky, me make sure me cover up address so nobody know where you live. Unless they have contacts like Monstee have, they now got to look at picture and drive around DC area looking for house that match. Next time me working in DC area, me email you first and let you know. Me notice you new mushroom crop am almost ready and old septic tank out back am making fine swimming pool. If you need, me will even help you dig new hole for outhouse! You not want to use hole from last people who live there. That just not right.

P.S. About last post

To answer all the emails and IM me have been getting from people who no post comments (you know who you am... WHY YOU NO POST COMMENTS?).

1. Yes me can do funny morph face thingy on any two people


2. Me need pics of two people in question.


3. Pics need to be at about same angel of face.
   (no straight on shot with profile, that would look weird)


4. If you want weird, me can do weird.


5. WHAT CAN'T ME DO WITH PICTURES?!?!?! DO YOU READ THIS BLOG?


6. I can if me have the time and you ask me really really nicely.


7. Me reserve rite to post pics on blog if me want (but me keep names out of it if you want)

Monstee plays God

First me want to apologize for way me treat you last posting. Me have no other excuse other than me am not quite meself since me stop smoking. Me not want to smoke.... but me still want to smoke... You know what me mean? It am weird. Me know it am bad for me and me will be more healthier now that me stop... But me also want to light up friendly little stick of death and suck it into lungs. But me don't and me wont. Me want to! Me also want to drive ice pick into you eye if you look at me wrong way... you better not be thinking you gonna ask which am wrong way!!!

So now with that out of way, me say we try and have some fun. What better way am there to have little bit of fun than to ridicule other person? Now me have noticed that Lauren have not been posting much at all in past few weeks, so lets pick her. This way we can see if she am still logging on and checking us out and not just posting or she really busy. Also, if she no have time to post then she no have time to get Monstee back. hehehehehe

OK. So Lauren say in her most recent posting that she am getting back with boyfriend. Me will make no comment on this as all me know and remember about him am fact that he pinch him nipples in public. But who doesn't? Really, who doesn't?

Anyway, me was thinking that it would be fun to get sample of both they DNA and clone some sort of being that am half him and half her and let them look at it and go "Eywwwwwwwww!" But them wetblanket killjoy who remain nameless remind Monstee that cloning am illegal and they already have name for half him half her clones.... Children. But that no stop Monstee from trying!!! Well, me no get they DNA. Closest me get was picture of each of them. Why not more people keep DNA on file on internet? Anyhoo, me do next best thing with pictures. Me take one of her + one of him, and get THIS: Calm down! Calm down! It am only a picture. It can no hurt you. Me know how you feel, but guess how me feel.... Me spent hours making dang thing! What am it? What am it's name? What do it do for living and what am it hobbies?

Me say...
Name: Pat
Gender: ???
Work: Food industry
Hobby's: Smoking and pinching nipples.

Hey, me made the dang picture, YOU come up with better bio!

Dang me need a smoke!