Me am Monstee!

You are a Black Coffee in a Dirty Cup with a Blue Hair in it

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and a garbage disposal At your worst, you are: cheap, angsty and smell of porn You drink coffee when: you can get your paws on it Your caffeine addiction level: so high as to be off the freakin charts

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Your Blogging Type is Cutting Edge, Amusing and Sex Godish

You're a legendary storyteller, and you amuse many with your anecdotes and nearly psychic insights. In fact, you can turn the dullest part of your day into a colorful event (that is usually blue). You're also up on what's new and cool - from fashions, to links, to gadgets, to the pleasures of a woman. You're the perfect combo: down to earth, funny, a little mischievous, and the greatest lover on the planet.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

You Are Coffee Ice Cream in a Dirty Bowl with a Blue Hair in it

Energetic and lively, you are always on the go, go, go Speed Racer go!. You're doing a million things at once and doing them so well that only a fool would question you. You tend to motivate others, raise spirits and "excite" women. You are most compatible with chocolate ice cream (who REALLY wants to go out with you, if you like her, because she likes you. If you want, I can pass her a note in gym next hour.).

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Your IQ Is 185

Your Logical Intelligence is Better than a Vulcan Your Verbal Intelligence is beyond Words Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Exceptionally Sexy Your Overall Brainpower is Stronger than the Lord of Sith

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

You Are a Boston Terrier Puppy with a Bad Smell and snot problems

Aggressive, wild, blood thirsty and rambunctious. Deep down, you're just a cuddle monster that wants to hump a leg.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

You Are Ugly Used Underwear!

Comfortable, soft and broken in, more people like you than let on. But it's very difficult for you to show yourself in public. You smell and you may have holes.

What Crappy Gift Are You?

You Are A Sexual Butterfly

You love your friends so much... Biblically! You're motto is "the more, the merrier"! Making sure everyone's included is your mission of love And you always prefer a group of ten to a group of two... in bed.

What Kind of Friend Are You?

Me have totally awesome set of tools

What? Monstee am posting more than once a week? Yeah, yeah, yeah... screw!

This post am in response to recent IM me get from lurker who wish to remain nameless. They say that they like visit Monstee's cave to look at funny pictures Monstee change. Me just want to respond thusly:

ME NEVER CHANGE PICTURE IN ME LIFE!!!

It am true! Me no CHANGE pictures, me analyze them. There am big difference. When you change pic you make it look different than it did by adding new stuff like cars, taking out stuff you no want like ugly people and changing the look of what am there like airbrushing boobies. What am left an what you want, but it am changed. Me NEVER do that. Me have really good set analysis tools that let Monstee look over pic file (inside and out) and whatever me find when me analyze, me can bring out. It am nothing new and me not take nothing away! Me just showing what am already there, but hidden by other stuff in file and using THAT stuff to hide what am already obvious. Not a change, just an analysis. You want proof? Ok.....

Here me am giving you access to 3 of Monstee's old pic tools. You no pay for nothing so me not giving you ability to save pics you analyze. First we need pic. Let's take one from.... oh, lets say Kate. We not picking on Kate, we just using pic of Kate's friend from Kate's blog.

1. Emotion Tool: This am really cool tool that bring out hidden emotions of people you have in pics. Most people never realize how much data digital camera pick up when you use it. It get all kinds of stuff that you never see unless you analyze pic with tool like this. Press button, and move tool around. You see!

2. Fluid Tool: You ever see that light they use to show spots and stains from "bodily fluids"? This am same thing. You eyes no see it, but it there and camera pick it up. This tool make it possible to see it. Press button and you get tool. Turn light on tool on with little yellow button and move tool around and you see.

3. Wackamole Tool: With this tool you analyze.... um.... well.... Ok, me not know what you analyze with this tool (it come bundled with bunch of others). But it do use hammer and pump to bring out hidden wackamole traits in subjects.

full scale version

NOW you see what me mean? Pics on me blog NOT EVER BEEN changed!

Me think me prove me point.

Monstee's Bits and Pieces

Me am sorry me have no posted so much for so long... but me have been getting caught up doing other things.... me have been thinking bout posting... but just never get round to finishing good chain of thought to put down in post.

So here am bunch of junk me may never get round to finishing...

1. Did you know Fats Domino was stage name? It true! Him real name Lardass Backgammon.

2. The Evil G'Kar is stealer of planets and need to be destroyed! Me say band together galactic empires and wipe scourge from stars so Little Red of the Riding Hoods can get her planets back.

3. Shirly's daughter worked in that building.

4. Me only have seven teeth. Me counted! Me only have seven and they all fangs and they all on bottom.

5. Me have not name dropped in while.

6. Me am glad Jenny McCarthy am back on TV. Me know she take time off for having babies and all that, but what with what happen last time we see each other, me never know.

7. Me was in New York few weeks ago. Best thing that happen there am Birthday party of me friend Sara Brown. Here am pic of me and her at her party. Me not so sure she remember me being there. She am pretty drunk at time. She drinking this lemon/beer-booze... Like Mike's Hard Lemonade but with extra balls!

8. Me not really like corn on cob. (see #4 above) It Ok, but me like it better off cob and cooked with garlic. mmMMMMmmmmmgarlicorn!

9. Me have no smoked for over month now. Please no congratulate me. If you do, me will have to stab you in face with ballpoint pen.

10. Looking at me site stats me see some strange things. Me knew me had traffic from strange places, but.... It seem that two of top search phrases am "Adrienne Barbeau" and "sexy bubble gum teen". This no make no sense to me. Me good friend Kate say she get phrases like "Eating expired pasta" and "Hideous sandwich". Me can see that!!! When have me ever talked about "sexy bubble gum teen"? Adrienne Barbeau me understand too. She am one of me lurkers that me no mind her not commenting. Me understand. Hey Adrienne, we need hang out again soon. Just you & me this time, we ditch swamp thing and take off! What you say?

11. Me also see that 93% of people coming to cave only stay here less than 30 seconds. WooHoo!!! All them hits and me no got to worry bout entertaining them! HAHAHAH! In interest of getting more people like them, let me just say that at Monstee's Discount Cave of Porn (p.p.) you can download nude pics of Britney Spears in the nude for free as soon as we get some and are sure we not get sued for it. Same go for Nude pics of Jessica Simpson nude free pics and nude fantastic 4 nude Jessica Alba nude download free now as soon as nude and free download as soon as me get some for you to. :]

13. Me have noticed that me tend to drop numbers when me making list of things. Why am that?


Well that am good bakers dozen. Me hope to have special project up and running soon.

Monstee Gets An Idea

Me was not going to post anything this weekend, what due to it being holiday weekend and this am weekend where Monstee stay inside mostly. (It am hot and it am not good for monsters be around global villagers with explosives and torchlike things) Me also wanted to give lurkers as long as possible to post comment and thereby stop being lurkers and become commenting contributing readers and participants of Monstee's Cave. But it seem that ff am only one of you that have GUTS to come out of hiding and just say 'Hi'.

HI ff!!! Glad you stop by! You am lucky you avoid laughter and ridicule at you expense, but you better keep on you toes! Me am watching you....

As for rest of you lurkers.... THIS AM IT! Me am now going to start in on Monstee's new 'Out the Lurkers' program of pain and embarrassment! You have you chance, so you can no say nothing when me do what it am that me do that you not want me do when me do it!!!! HAHA!! Me am Monstee!

Now, back to what inspire me to post when me have no intention of posting am recent conversation me have with Stargasergirl and recent posting in Kate's blog. Yes, another one!!!! Hey, if you no be such a lurker then maybe me have better material work with and not pick on... er, me mean rely on Kate so much!!! If you no like it then you remember it am all YOU fault!!!

Now, if you following Kate's blog then you know she and her gang of cohorts am roadtripping down to great state of panic... er, Florida to see Stargazergirl/Carrie. Kate/Kate took Paul/husband and friends/friends with her/her. (YOU look them up! Me not know all these people!!) Well in latest post Kate say this:

(Incidentally, Mon, Paul said I've made you sound really cool and he'd like to meet you next time we're in that area for a LAN. I snorted and chortled [snortled?] and said I'd let you know.)

Now, disregarding what sound like sarcastic nose honking on Kate's part... Me thought this was GREAT idea! Me love LAN! Then, after while, me google LAN and find out it stand for "Local Area Network" and not short for Lanshire, like me thought at first.

mmmMMMmmmmmlanshire...

NO! Me will not be distracted by thoughts of yummy roadside and gas station treats!!! Why Mr. Paul man want to meet Monstee for LAN??? Am they that good? Am they better than Lanshire? Am they not what Google say and instead of being like tiny little internet the am just in building, they am really good tasty electronic teckno treat? Do he really what to split what sound like VERY expensive snack, or am he just really, REALLY socially impaired and he need to email Monstee from across the room? Me will let you all know when me find out. Me know that him no visit Monstee's cave so him am no Lurker like SOME of you!! So we be nice to him... for now... but me have pictures... hehehe.

Also me was talking to Carrie when she get home from what sound like fun time with gang, driving around in rain and cursing at people. She say that she feel kind of bad that there am not much to do in her town and she feel that with all bad weather and all that nobody going to come back and revisit her. Me think that am silly! What more fun am there than driving hundreds of mile to see old friends and drive round in rain cursing at people??? Great fun!! But me guess that it am something that she no like to do all that much so me come up with new idea for her... miniature golf!

If she build miniature golf coarse in her town then there am stuff to do!!! Everyone LOVE miniature golf! Then me think, bowling! Yeah, everybody have miniature golf... she need miniature bowling!!! People come from miles to play miniature bowling! Me give her idea and she say that she am NO good at bowling... so them me start thinking who to make idea new and fresh and put all players on same level... Not miniature bowling or miniature golf.... MEGA GOLF! You play Mega Golf outside with bowling ball on huge miniature golf coarse that am no longer miniature!! We talking REAL windmills!! You have to bowl ball round corners, up hills, through tunnels... the whole nine yards... er, holes, yeah. And no pins at end either. You got to bowl into big hole with flag! We call it BOWLFING!

Bowlfing! Yet another great idea brought to you from Monstee Enterprises.