Time for Quickie?

Lots of thins me would like to post about... but me lazy. So me just popping in to say me am glad to be what little part me was in getting him back in global village.

Also, here am little something bout Prez Bush.
It seem that he "has quietly claimed the authority to disobey more than 750 laws enacted since he took office, asserting that he has the power to set aside any statute passed by Congress when it conflicts with his interpretation of the Constitution."

What fucking balls this asshat has!

Here he am describing them.

Am it any wonder that 17 representatives from state of Illinois have introduced bill to initiate impeachment proceedings and if he impeached he removed from office and banned from holding ANY other office in United States?

Interviewer:"So, Mr. Bush, you wish to run for county dog catcher? Ok, well it's just... hang on. What's all this from your last position?"

Lets cross our claws people!!

Ahoy New People - Find the secret hidden message and win a prize!

(Note to old people: Me not excluding you in title, just go with it an you see...)
((Note to them that took offence to being called old people: Fuck off! You know what me meant. Old as in you not new to cave like these other shmoes me talking to. Now shut up!))
(((Note to you gits who tool offence to being called shmoe: It just sounds bad! Really, it a good name. You WANT to be a shmoe! Really. Just keep reading.)))

Me am Monstee! This am me cave. Me live here, sleep here, dream here... and sometimes... fall in love here. Oh sure, it not much. Dark, dank, slimy, smells of beer, vomit and used ky-jelly, but it am home to me and you am welcome.

Recently in many of them other peoples blogs me read me have been coming across common topic of Blogging Addiction. This get me to thinking. Me in NO way think me am addicted to blogging, because me can stop whenever me want! Really!! It no big deal. Me just blog now and again cause me like it. It am nice to get comments back from people who read you blog, but me not do it for that. No, in fact me recently check me stats and me see that me tend to get over 1000 unique people a month logging on and checking out cave. Over 100 unique people a day! That pretty good numbers for me. Oh sure, those of you who am old time cavedwellers be standing up about now saying Hey Monstee! What you talking bout? Last year you was looking ways to get people to find you blog and check you out! You started Monstee's Discount Cave Of Porn!! (p.p.) just for that reason. Am you saying you over all that?

Yes. Me not doing this for readers anymore. Sure, me get the numbers now, from all over world... but they not staying. No, sad fact am that 70% of all me traffic through cave am here for less than 30 second. They not looking for Monstee, they looking for something else. Why, just take look at what they searching for when they get here!!!

Nude - This am the number one search that bring people here. OK, me do this. Hey, what good am having Monstee's Discont Cave Of Porn (p.p.) if you not mention word nude?

Suck Satan's Cock - Ok, me can see this. Me use Bill Hicks famous quote in post around here somewhere.

reese's commercial hey you got chocolate in my peanut butter hey you got peanut butter in my chocolate - Yeah, me did do rant on this some time ago...

eat jar peanut butter a day - What the? Interesting idea, but me not know why it get you here.

nude girls - Ok, more porn.

little willys songs - Me am at a total loss on this. Did me EVER talk about Little Wills or songs about them? NO! So why they fuck search engine bring people here?

yoplait yogurt commercial - Ok, yes, me did do rant on how this thing suck!! MAN IT SUCK!!!

young nude free - Yeah, more porn.

removing gaul bladder - When, WHEN me EVER talk abuot that? Don't you thinkg that this am the type of thing you would remember posting about?

kanaan gang - Me not event know what THAT am.

taste the rainbow enema gross - WHAT THE FUCK?

ingredients mr. pib - Now this am funny cause anyone who know me know... me a pepper.

parapism - Little known fact.... That me middle name.

duct taped and tied up men photos - OK NOW FUCK YOU GOOGLE!! NO!! ME KNOW FOR FACT THAT ME NEVER, NEVER EVER TALKED ABOUT ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!!

long schlongs - NO! Fuck no!! Stop it!!

satans cock images - Not here, but at lease me understand why link get made. Me talk about Satans cock, me have images... it make sense.

shortest chain saw made - This make NO sense!! For what you need somthng like this? Playing Leatherface with mice? Never fucking talked about it! Don't sell it! Why it bring people here?!?!

sexoholic disorder - Me have mentioned Sarah haven't me? Joke!! Me KID!! That what me do!! Me a funny guy! (she not gonna hit me am she?)

dumb stuff to do online - Did me talk about this? Oh, lord only knows.

felching rimjob - Ok. Yes. Them words did appear on list when me was doing my News In Literature post. But me bet anyone who come here from tht search am going to be little bit disapointed!

stop commenting on my blog - (sigh)

large girls - porn...

sploshing - Me don't know...

two snooker balls in a sock - OK, hold it!! Why? What am point? Me know it am reference to having big BALLS or something, but me no make it!!! That not even sound like me, do it? Me have balls so big they like two snooker balls in a sock! NO!

adrianne barbeau - Of all me exes, she am only one who brings in the searches. Thanks babe!

sex girl - porn

explain the odor of chrysanthemums - Fuck off and die!

were is black water cave - up you ass?

cough chunk pneumonia - As opposed to titter slice pneumonia.

enormous schlongs - God damn it.

girls sliming each other - Who... what.... why.... HUH?

monstee machine - This just make me wonder what they was looking for when they type this into search engine to begin with!

You see? That am the type of shit that MOST of me readers am looking for. Do me oblige them, no. Me not here for that. Me here to do what ME want. That's what blogging am for me.

Oh, and regarding that prize for finding secret hidden message in post. Me just trying to get you new people to hang out more than 30 seconds!! It's ALL total wank!! HAHAHA!! IT AM THE NUMBERS! That what it all about! Me get bigger numbers, me win!!! HAHAHA!!
ME AM MONSTEE!!

I Monster - Part four

It was hot. It was always hot. He held the glass of amber liquid up to his forehead and rolled it back and forth. It was useless. In this humidity ice vanished quickly and the sweat on the outside of the glass just made it hard to hold. He wagged a finger at the bartending boy, calling him over with every intent of asking for more ice. The boy approached quickly, nodding all the while with that damnable smile on his face. He knew the boy was only trying to show respect. It didn't help.
“Bottle,” he demanded, mustering up as much snide contempt as he could muster. Fuck the ice. The boy placed the bottle on the small bar and just as quickly as he approached, he backed away, all the while bowing and smiling. He was beginning to hate the smiles the boy and everyone else in this country gave.
Country? Ha. This place was more like a third world rest stop on your way to a country. If it weren't for all the tourists stopping by, slumming it on there way to a real place, this country would be nothing more than rice patties and rusted out war relics. And he was stuck here. One small gaffe and this is where headquarters sticks you until you can prove that you're a good boy. Headquarters was full of tiny little tin-plated tyrants, each and every one a despot of dung or an authoritarian of their own arse. If not for the staff in the field, they would get as much done by wanking each other. And they expected this to be his field. Not like the new recruit. Oh no, according to headquarters, mister beloved apprentice of the doctor has farts that smell of roses. Well, that may all be changing soon.
Bottle in one hand and glass in another, he stepped from the little bar and sat at one of the small tables off to the side. He was by himself, but was not totally alone. A fat Englishman in a tweed suit sat in the corner drinking like an atheist who suddenly agreed with antidisestablishmentarianism. He was probably a new instructor at the university. As the bloated sod solipsistically rambled on about his views of reality, the girls giggled and giggled. Oh the girls. The one highlight of this outpost; there was always girls. This was the type of place where the girls would silkily walk up to a client and bawdily explain exactly what they thought you needed. The way they affably carried themselves helped a great deal to exacerbate the meaty protuberance in ones pants.
An inexperienced sex kitten walked by dressed in the smallest of silk robes. The floral pattern of the robe was a breathtaking contrast to her freshly powdered, china like skin. She was new, but one could tell her virginity had long since been raffled off.
“Indemify yourself my dear,” said the English philosopher, ”for I will presently quaff my enduring cocktail and eructate with immense enthusiasm.” The girls broke out in fresh giggles. The newest girl stood in front of the small table and all the other girls backed away smiling. “Oh my,” said the fat man setting down his glass and belching. The young girl moved forward and sat on what little lap there was. She leaned forward and whispered in the fat mans ear.
This was the time to act and act fast or fatty would soon be suckered in. Setting bottle and glass aside, he reached into his shirt pocket and remove his handkerchief. He quickly unwrapped his homemade sun-star symbol and lunged for the girl. It took him weeks to properly swage the bronzed Sprocket into just the right shape, but the look on the girls face was worth it. She was terrified. He held the star-sun out and drove his free fist into her nose. Blood spewed down her chin and she fell back on the little table. He held the star-sun in front of her face and grabbed her around the throat.
“Where's your temple?” he shouted. The fat philosopher looked on whey-faced. “Where's your temple?” he repeated. The fear left her expression as he felt the life leave her body. It was too quick. He did not apply enough presser to cut off her breath or blood supply. She must have died from something else. He turned and kicked the fat man in the stomach, forcing him back into his seat. Quickly he ripped open the girls robe, exposing her nude body. With a move resembling that of Pete Townshend, he brought the star-sun around in a great arc and plunged it down into her body just under her rib cage. He pulled the symbol down hard and created a huge slash in the young woman's midsection. Blood spewed everywhere and the fat Englishman screamed like a girl as he was splattered in the face. The body popped open like an over ripe pea pod and a large snake with a somewhat human face sprang out. He grabbed it quickly and yanked it from the body. Its skin was already beginning to harden. Its teeth and eyes had already turned to stone. The beast was essentially boneless, but a strong twist of the wrist and you could hear the gristle in its body snap. He dropped it to the floor, dead.
“Bloody hell,” said the philosopher. He kicked the fat man in the stomach one more time and went to retrieve his bottle. He took a long drink and regarded the Englishmen intently.
“Tell anyone,” he said slowly, ”…and do you think they will believe you?” He took another long drink, as the fat man sat there with his mouth open. “They may, they may not. Either way, if you do I will find you and kill you too.” He took another drink, as the fat man seemed to stop breathing. “Now fuck off.” The Englishman was up and out of there with speed that denied his great girth.
He could smell kerosene and knew that the others were setting the building on fire. He took out a cell phone and hit a number on speed dial.
“Hello.”
“B-N-Y requesting secure line.” There was some hissing and popping and then a beep from the phone.
“Line secure, go ahead.”
“This is McShae. One Naga Priestess eliminated. I'm leaving post on secondary mission. Send a clone if you want me to return to this post.”
“But you haven't been giving a secondary…” He hung up the phone and tossed it into the girl's body cavity. The others would notice him missing until the clone showed up. He didn't care. Now, where on earth could his countrymen be?

April 06 Smuggies!

Well the Smug Awards have come an gone and me did not make out so bad.

Voted Best Single Strip!

Voted Runner Up, Best Technical Innovation!

Voted Runner Up, Best Series!

Voted Best Script Writer!

Voted Best 6 Panel Strip!

Me like to thank the little people for voting for me. So you guys figure out amongst youselfes which three am shortest and you the ones!

Five out of 16 possible... ALMOST 1/3!!! Me think it am me godlike humility that keep me from winning all of them and proving just how great me am.

Now me got to find place to put them. Hard to display major awards in cave like this. Me just got new spice rack and IT not fit on wall very well. Well, me find place soon.

Ugh!

Tag, A-Z A lot About Me

*for SOL*

Accent: Monsteespeak...you try taking with huge lower fangs in you face!

Booze of Choice: Jagermeister!

Chore I hate: Cavework

Favorite Perfume: On woman... Red... or fear. On me... whatever fresh to roll in... or beef and onions.

Gold or Silver: mmMMmmmsilver

Hometown: The onion BBS.

Insomnia: yes!

Job title: Kooky Monster.

Kids: 1 hatchling so far. Was hoping for 3 so me get one of each.

Living arrangement: Liquor in the font, poker in the rear!

Most admired trait(s): Boundless Cool - Genius - Dapper Man About Town - Godlike humility

Number of sexual partners: What you mean? At one time? Overall? Do getting a Lewinsky count? They say when you sleep with someone you am sleeping with everyone they ever slept with, so we could be talking millions.

Overnight hospital stays: When me get one of me stomachs stapled. Me tried tapping it, but it just not stick.

Phobia: Heights, live uncooked spiders, disgruntle barbers, Rhonda, suddenly shrinking down to one inch height and finding that little house me make out of lego's for me to live in have been taken apart by somebody and not put back together, being tagged to be stupid meme!

Quote: "In an insane society, a sane man must appear insane." - Mr. Spock

Religion: Monstaism

Siblings: Shmiblings!

Time I wake up: When me done sleeping.

Unusual talent/skill: Roadkill profiler, me can eat me weight in pasta, me breath peels paint

Vegetables I refuse 2 eat: The ones that say "HEY! DON'T FUCKIN EAT ME!!"

Worst habit: Killing people who tag me for memes.

X-rays: Needed to get specs to see that!

Yummy foods I make: Every thing me make am yummy!!! Why me go out of way to make shitty food?!?!

Zodiac Sign: Feces

Me will tag nobody cause me no want to get beat up... but... if you want to look really really cool... feel free!