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Hey Kids!

How you doing? Me? Well, me am

a) still alive.
b) little down in bumps.
c) bout the same as always!
d) all of the above.
e) none of the above.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... me know! You not hear from Monstee for while. You am all sitting out there saying

a) "We thought you was dead!"
b) "We thought you had quit."
c) "I'm engaged!"
d) "Where you been."
e) "What the hells with this multiple choice?"

Well to that me just say

a) Well me not!
b) No, me just take longer break than me expected.
c) Congratulations!
d) THAT am long story!
e) What? What am you talking bout? You am crazy! You am crazy person!

Me am

a) sorry me not been round to comment on you postings,
b) really bad typist,
c) extremely well endowed,
d) super genius dapper man about town,
e) Monstee,

but me have been really, really

a) busy lately.
b) bushy lately.
c) buggy lately.
d) late to business school.
e) up to no good.

You never gonna believe this but me have been really busy

a) in a contest with Barney to see who could hold out posting longer.
b) climbing up and sliding down St. Louis Arch screaming "HI KATE!".
c) Taking me gal to movie in Singapore and having to deal with guy behind us who NO stop huffing and puffing!!!
d) signing autographs posing as Kelsey Grammer
e) not getting out of bed because me so depressed that FMC am going off the market despite fact that me very happy for her.

Friends from down south called while back and ask if me want to come visit. Me always like to meet new internet friends so me go. They ask me to babysit while they go out for food for dinner. Me wished me seen that movie first, cause when penguins go out for dinner it takes like THREE OR FOUR MONTHS!!! They no drive, they WALK EVERYWHERE!! How dumb am that. So me sit on kid for few days then leave note and bring him back to cave. He good kid. He likes him beers!


a) "OH how cute!"
b) "Monstee! We didn't know you had so much ankle fat!"
c) "Penguins is practically chickens..."
d) all of the below
e) none of the above

Before we go home me take kid to big type amusement park and load him up on popcorn and chili-cheese corn dogs with extra onions and large plastic alien heads full of coke. There we decide to try to break record of longest time on roller coaster. 103 hours and fifty-five minutes. We do good at start, but he get board after bout 103 1/2 hours, so we quit. Arrow show where we was.


a) all of the above
b) "OH how cute!"
c) "Did you puke?"
d) "Penguins eat puke. If you pukes, would the little guy eat it?"
e) all of oil

Me never did

a) up chuck,
b) barf,
c) sell Buicks,
d) hurl,
e) flog the bishop,

cause me was little too busy holding on and trying to figure out what was best part of me life flashing before me eyes. When it was over me was ready to go, but kid was all wound up so me think that quick trip to petting zoo quite him down. There we see Burleson Arabians, the smallest breed of horse.
a) They was spicy!!!
b) They a all day crock pot kinda thing.
c) all of the side
d) Me know what 'flog the bishop' really mean.
e) Best thing am they come with they own floss!

So kid finally give out one humongous burp that smell like hoof, drop the hoof out his beak, and pass out. Me get him back to cave just in time to get call from me latest gal and think tank member Tara Reid.


a) "OH how cute!"
b) "OH MY GOD MONSTEE!"
c) one of the above and one of the below.
d) If you know her, she not as much a bimbo as you think she am!
e) If you no know her, she a bigger bimbo than you think she am.

She remind me that we have meeting with think tank. Now me have sleeping penguin kid with me and am going on like 8 or 9 days with no sleep so me offer to have it here at cave. Believe me, last think you want am bunch of brainy nerds hanging round you place complaining bout you snacks. Anyway... what we come up with am design for worlds largest toilet seat! It so big, we decide to keep them in orbit!


a) "OH now that's just silly!"
b) "OH now that's a great idea!"
c) "What? I'm sorry. I'm still looking at the boob."
d) the one above
e) The Great Below - NIN

So me dear friends and readers.... yeah, and YOU LURKERS TOO... me am back. For how long me not know. That was one really nice week+ off me had there. Me probably will do it again some time. But for now me got to get to reading all you blogs. Me sure me have to

a) read four or five posting from most of you
b) read Dr. Evil Scientist's post
c) keep waiting for next chapter from Dr. Maroon
d) keep waiting for anything from El Barbudo
e) post blunt cog strip
f) read the 5 or 6 chapters posted by SafeT
g) check in and see if Sara Laughing again
h) talk 'LOST' with Smacky
me) Read the 5,623 postings from Heatherfeather
j) just get back in groove.

See ya there!

Let's Test Something,

Some of you may have noticed that not too long ago me blog was down and not viewable. Me didn't notice, so thanks to all of you tried you best to let me know. To you others who knew but did nothing bout it (like you lurkers!!! (you know who you am!!!)) ROT IN HELL! When persons blog am not there it am sign of problem! Nice to know that if most of you see me having big problem on street you just walk on by without even stopping or saying anything. "Oh look," you think, "That am Monstee. Oh look, he grabbing at him neck and making choking noises. He am turning blue.... er. Huh."
Or "Oh look, Monstee's been shot. Me just check back later and see if he still laying in street bleeding to death. Hope he OK."

Well me wasn't ok. NO. Me not sure what was going on but it am just like last time this happen. Oh yes! This happen before. In fact, this happen every time me make post about certain president who remain nameless. It happen briefly here, but me catch that one. And again here. You know, now that me think about it it also happen here and here. Me see a definite pattern here.

So, without mentioning any names here... let me tell you story that really happened....

The other Sunday me was at church...

and while waiting for service me found this magazine...

And in there was interesting article about what US commander and chief think when he first visit New Orleans after Katrina...

Me could no finish article cause whenever me read too much about that guy me get massive case of explosive bleeding diarrhea and ended up fountaining all over gods house...

And to make matters worse, me...


OK me at a loss here. Me not sure how it get any worse after shitting blood all over a church on Sunday. It not the point anyway... The point am... maybe kids start playing in the larger puddles, NO NO NO.. Not the point!! The point am about the test! Yeah the test! ...maybe someone pulls out spoons and they all, NO NO NO.. Not the point, NOT THE POINT!!

This here test am to see if me blog goes down again after commenting about him. True, all me did was show pictures so me not really comment on him. Maybe me should. Do the super secrete search bots that government have running on internet looking for specific words? Hmmm.... OK!

president Bush am a DICK!
You see expression on him face when he sign patriot act? If you ask me it remind me of little boy who just farted and blamed it on the dog!