Ooops, me did it again.

YEAH, YEAH, yeah.... Me know, me know! For someone who say they am back me have not been posting as much as me should. Well... SUFFER POPE! To tell truth, me really have not had as much time as me wanted and me have not even gotten round to reading all of you blogs yet. Me know, me know... you am all asking "Why not? Why you so busy?". Well to that me just want to say "YOU MIND YOU OWN BUSINESS!!"!!! Me no have to tell you squat! You no see me hanging round you blog reading you posting and asking you bunch of personal questions do you? No, you NOT! You know why? Course you no know why, so me going to tell you. CAUSE ME REAL BUSY! You know why me am so busy? Course you no know why, so you no even attempt to lie and say you know cause you no know! And only reason you no know am because me no tell you. SO LISTEN UP YOU! Me am only going to tell you this once and me no want you coming back with tons of questions bout who am who and what am what and can me wipe you butt cause you got problems worse off than me... NO! Me am Monstee! Me have the problems! Me am busy and not with you butt wiping problems you got, but with personal problems that involve girl problems with real girl and problems that seem so unreal that they am making me busy dealing with.

[We at Monstee Inc. suggest that if you are confused at this point you either go back and reread the past paragraph several times or just go with the flow and forget about it. If by chance you are one of the few people out there that totally understands what Monstee is saying the first time through, congratulations, your cookie is in the mail. Thank you.]

Now as with all problems, it am important to learn from them. Because me think it am better for me not to talk about me problems in public... me guess me could and should just talk bout what me have learned from them.

If you think you am too busy to post all that much, no go and make board of directors to run you busyness for you. Them people can and will take over and sometimes in hostile way!

[We here at Monstee Inc. would like to stress that the opinions and beliefs expressed by Monstee in no way reflect the opinions and beliefs of Monstee or any member of Monstee Inc., its subsidiaries or parent company Hyper-Uber-Mega-Para-Anti-Global-Omni-Astro-Teck.
Thank you.]

If you am wanting to break off hot and heavy affair with younger married woman, who you board of directors will NOT let you name, never tell her it am because of her stupid, whitetrash, hip-hop wannabe, no talent, opportunistic, douche bag, gold digging, pathetic, you call that rapping, husband.

She just may leave him for you!

If she do leave him for you and you still want out, never say you am breaking up because she am little miss lushy hosebag who am usually to fucking drunk to keep her coochy out of sight of paparazzi long enough to sober up.

She just might check herself into rehab for you.

If she do check herself into rehab and you feel bad for what you say before, never show up at her rehab room within first 24 hours, reeking of Jagermiester and roadkill martini (or as me call them 'Roadtinis'), offer to buy her drink to make up for it, call her quitter when she turn it down, scream you like OLD Britney better, throw up on her bed, try to hump her from behind, pass out in you own puke mumbling something bout her moving in with you.

She just might leave rehab right then and there!

If she do leave rehab and start packing stuff for you cave and you sober up enough to know you still want to break it off, never tell here that REAL reason you am breaking up am because the carpet don't match the drapes!
(...if you know what me mean...)

She just might do something bout that!

-If she do do something bout that...


GOD DAMN IT!
ME RUN OUT OF BULLETS! What the HELL guys?!?! AM you telling me we can no afford enought bullets?!? What kind of penny pinching mother fucking tightwads bast[We here at Monstee Inc. would like to express the safty in only loading your blog with five bullets. Dispite a safty catch, many blogs (espeshally those under the new blogger) have gone off unexpectedly. Keeping one chamber free of bullets is simply the best safty mesure when dealing with a loaded blog. Thank you.]


BULLSHIT!!
Bullshit! You know me use clip! OH FUCK THIS!!
Look! Look! You want to know REAL reason little miss me-no-name do what she do? OH, you seen pictures by NOW!

There am the one where she am doing it...
And the one where she have already done it! You know you seen them! They been everywhere! But you no know that this am not first time she shave head and get tattoo. NOOOOoooooooooo...

This time she just get caught doing it. Last time she shave
head and get tattoo ON head. How me know?


Let's take closer look at them pictures.

See?! SEE?! That am NO birthmark. That am head tattoo!! Me give her tattoo of monstee couple of
years ago one weekend bender in Vegas. Me let her tattoo me head as well, but me no have heart to tell her ink no show up on Monstee's hide after week or two.

Oh well. So why she shave off hair now and show world sexy good looking Monstee tattoo? DUH!! She want world to know that when you go out with Monstee you get good head. [We here at Monstee Inc. would like to express that the previous pun was contractually obligated and in no way was anyone on the board of directors of Monstee Inc. responsible. Thank you.]

ME AM BACK!!!

Can you no believe it? Am you pinching youselves right now? Pinch youself for me as well for me can no believe it too much too! Me am back and me am blue! ME AM BACK AND BLUE!

Me know... me know... you am all out there going...

"Where ya been Monstee?"
"Is everything ok?"
"Why did you stop posting?"
"Where ya been Monstee?"
"Are we still on for hot and heavy hetero monster on girl sex?"
"This is my first time here. What's the deal?"
...and mostly...
"Where ya been Monstee?"

Well, to tell truth... me was here all along. You no see me wave when you come in? Noooooo... me had to renew driving license at DMV. (That Department of Monstee Vehicles for you all from out of town.) No, me have just started playing Yirdaki, Kanbi, and Ihambilbilg in new band and been in studio all this time. We just finish our new CD called "Every Song Ever Written!"! No! Me have strange kind of mental breakdown and could no function till next episode of "Lost"! NO! Me was plotting and scheming how to kidnap unwanted person in me recent love triangle. DANG IT! There am just on way to do it without adult diapers! NO! Really, me was in rehab all this time for me addiction to roadkill. Me was almost done too, but that bitch Lindsay Lohan wanted me bed by window so they throw me out. Me know for FACT it have nothing to do with me humping her boobs in her sleep. NO! For true me was over in Ireland with that one person who did that one thing that was so embarrassing for them and possibly group of people, industry or country. Yeah, me was involved somehow.... You tell me! NO! Me computer got really bad virus and whenever me go to log-on it vomit in me lap. No, seriously, me hate you. NO! Me get bad haircut and it only now growing out so me allow meself to be seen. NO! Truly, it was best of times, it was worst of times. NO! No lie, me was locked in back room at video processing lab for over three months and all me have to watch was some guys colonoscopy or bootleg copy of "Blues Brothers". Me watch it over and over. Me get to where me can sing along with every song, speak each line of dialog and even do some of they dance steps. Me watched "Blues Brothers" few times too. NO! Me was pinning for fields. NO! Me was trying to find out why for they have they baby goots! NO! Me was on the run from the corpse that wanted to get together and talk about old times.... (long story). NO! Me am bit of slow reader and took some time off to reread long book literary series. So, we many know where Waldo am... but why am he there? NO! Honest... Me run out of gas. Me, me had flat tire. Me no have enough money for cab fare. Me tux no come back from cleaners. Old friend come from out of town. Someone stole me car. There was earthquake. Terrible flood. Locusts. IT WAS NO ME FAULT, ME SWEAR TO GOD!!!



Oh, also...
Since me was gone me was also no reading you blogs. You post anything good? Anybody else post anything good? If me was reader of you's and commented, me am sorry, me will try to get back. If me was lurker and read you but no comment..... Me was reading you all along, yeah, that am ticket! And you people who me no read! Yeah! Me was busy reading all you posting too!! Yeah! They suck! Me not going to do that any more. You had you chance. You blow it! You blow it big time! You blow big green donkeys! Go crawl under bus and suck some antifreeze.

Ahhhhhhhh.... It am good to be home.