When the time comes.

Me just found out that any catholic male can be pope. That put yours truly in running. Claws am crossed. Me would need to convert.... and maybe it time to diversify that shit. How 'bout double whammy black woman pope? Yeah, that right. Mix that shit up. Just kind of new age thinking that could really help church with its street cred.

Now some of you am getting antsy about this talk. Prefer graying cracker-ass Pope-man. Me know, me know, you think that woman behind pope-mobile be swerving and shit, knocking over cones, running down some poor italiano traffic cops and maybe laying some tracks on top of altar servers. You no believe that shit. You gotta update you thinking. Women am just as good (and bad) at driving as men am.

Plus you know that woman pope would just fly about anyhow! "Fuck silly car, this aint no flightless pope you dealin with" am what she say right before floating out of room and up towards ceiling of Sistine Chapel to check out Michelangelo's handiwork.

Idea am starting to grow on you, admit it.

Adding to it, there am whole set of names that woman pope could use that no man could take. No more this numbered shit, guaranteed to be first for any name she chose. But why change name at all? Pick right lady and she might just keep her own name. There am some really well named ladies out there. Some of those names am just begging to have title Pope ahead of it. Me aint talking about no Lucy or Nicole, Fuck all that. Me suggestion?

Oprah.

Yes

Pope Oprah

Poprah

The Poprah.

You know she bring everyone together. You ever seen her show? Well, me neither, but me seen clips. Like when she give out all them cars. That shit showed up on news. Those people were pumped. They all LOVED her. Me could learn to love the Poprah.

You know she would be total badass pope. All names ending in -rah sound like they am straight outta He-Man. BADASS.

Call you Cardinals. We get this shit done.

Blogger can suck me harry blue balls... no, wait! Me not mean me have "blue balls" in that way... you know what me mean... although like everything else about me they am blue, that not what me mean! What me mean am blogger can go and suck me blue balls that am harry.... No, that not do it either... Me was going to say me blue harry balls, but me thought that maybe you would think that me mean me had blue hair balls, which me do now and again cause lets face it, when you am as hairy as me you can no get away from coughing up some lovely blue slimy blobs of hair that get stuck in you gullet and just fester there.... So me didn't say that.... Hey! Lets just start this all over and me will pick different color and body part to work with....

Blogger can go suck big green donkey dicks!!!

Me hope to have new posting soon and maybe this one not get lost in cyberspace.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you!
If you were alive, you'd be one hundred and two.
You inspired us greatly, you taught us to read,
you gave us great pictures and lessons to heed.

But now you are dead and you smell really bad,
and if ever kids saw you, they'd be really sad.
Your face is all mushy, your skin is like jam,
Your whole body resembles old green eggs and ham.

A corpse in a box is all you are now...
unless Hindus are right, then you're in a cow!
Or you may be in Heaven, as Christians would say,
or reincarnated in a most Buddhists type way.

You did what you did and now that is that.
We just darn well loved that cat in the hat.
We hopped on our pops and heard Horton's who
and counted our fish- one, two, red & blue.

To the trees you gave Lorax, to Christmas a Grinch,
Putting stars upon ours for you was a cinch.
For all of the stories we never outgrew...
Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Thank you.